has anyone ever hope that you werent even born to this world? well, i did. and for good reasons.
i didnt have my lunch today. correction: i did have my lunch but not complete without rice. Patricia prepared Nasi Lemak today. what are the important factors in NL? the coconut rice and heavenly fried chicken drumstick/wing. but the rice today.. the smell.. *vomit* it smelled like Indians~!!! *vomit vomit PUKE* really! when i pushed in a mouthful of rice, i was gagging disgustingly. i tried mixing it with chilli (lots of it in fact) and i could still smell it~ it was like... like i had bitten an Indian man's hand! it was THAT bad. because i really couldnt force the rice down my throat, i asked in a tiny voice whether could i not eat the rice. (our department's tradition: take only what you can finish.) luckily my manager didnt object to it. i wonder what's wrong with me anyway. everyone seemed okay with the rice, so why have i....? arh~ never mind.
then came the part why i feel that i shouldnt be born to this world. i was much doted on when i was younger. i had almost all the Barbies i laid my eyes on (okay, i'm exaggerating a little :p). but things changed when we all grew up. i spent whatever wages i had when i worked for Daniel Yam, and life was still quite carefree then. but after changing to office job and earning more, it became worse, especially recently. i hadnt manage to save any single cent since i came back from Tioman last year. i was lending Daddy $500 every month and he would only repay me like two or three hundreds while the rest will amount till the next month. 28th is a sunday, so i'll be getting my pay earlier - this friday. know what? i can confirm Daddy will borrow from me again. and yet my parents kept asking me where had i spent my money on? why didnt i save up, like my brother did? but WHAT? my salary isnt as much as my brother! what about the study loan from bank which i was still repaying? what about the lappie instalment which i have to continue paying, six months more after my study loan ends? then had an arguement with Alan as he was telling me not to lend my dad money this month, as i kept complaining that i hadnt manage to save for any trips abroad. but nowadays squabbles like this ends rather quickly and so i was quite relieved too.
sigh. it's devastating and depressing to state all these things out. and it's quite useless too. this is my life and i have but to accept it. seriously what else can i do~?? hmm?
